Quote in the Act: Sen. Miriam Defensor Santiago’s Pick-up lines, jokes and other crazy quotes

“There’s nothing wrong with my brain, contrary to the impression of my enemies.” – Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago

The impeachment trial is more fun when Sen. Miriam Defensor Santiago is around. The prosecution and the defense team scramble to answer her questions and end up looking like law school freshmen who need to review their knowledge of basic jurisprudence. Love her or hate her but she adds spice to an otherwise humdrum turn of events at the trial. We got excited when Sen. Lito lapid finally stood up and asked the proverbial question, “Ano po ang difference ng cash advance sa loan o utang?” but that is nothing to the queries posted by Sen. Miriam. Reporters love to interview her for she always gives sound bites, quotable quotes that are worthy to be in the headlines.

Who would forget “Tatalon ako sa eroplano pag naaresto si Erap” which she followed up with ‘I lied” when Erap was finally arrested. Of late she has also been popular with her pick-up lines. And if I were the producers of Bubble Gang I would get her for a guest appearance on the long-running gag show as she would really give Boy Pick-up a run for his money. I smell ratings bonanza.

Here are some of Sen. Miriam’s pick-up lines and other quotable quotes:

Pick-up Lines:

Girl: Saan tayo magdi-date sa Valentines? Boy: Sa sementeryo. Girl: Bakit doon? Boy: Para mapatunayan kong patay na patay ako sa’yo.

Sana naka-off ang ilaw para tayo na lang mag-on.

Nakalimutan ko ang pangalan mo eh, pwede bang tawagin na lang kitang akin?

Ibenta mo na bahay mo, tutal nandidito ka na, nakatira sa puso ko.

Nakalunok ka ba ng kwitis, kasi pag ngumiti ka, may spark!

Para kang holdaper,lahat ibibigay ko huwag mo lang akong saktan..

Tindera ka ba ng yosi?
Kasi you give me hope and more…

Para kang cactus,handa akong masaktan..
mayakap ka lang..

Galing mo din ano?
Hindi mo pa ako binabato,tinamaan na ako!

LOVE and MARRIAGE:

Ang LOVE parang bayad sa dyip. Minsan nasusuklian.

“It is very important that you should choose the person you will marry and stay with that person. There are many people now who believe in serial love, loving one person after another. I don’t think that is good for our mental health. I think we should get it over with. Love is like measles, you know. You only get it once in your lifetime and you are immune forever. I am very happy to say that is what happened to me. I am completely immune to any temptation. All men who have passed my life after I got married might as well have been sticks of furniture.”

“I don’t ride roughshod over him. I don’t care where he goes at night, he doesn’t have to call me with his itinerary. I just presume that he’s going to be loyal to his marriage vows. And I’ve been extremely faithful to my husband.”

“Maybe if I were 20 years younger, or maybe if I am as young as Heart Evangelista, it would be endearing to kiss in public. But to do that at my age would just be disgusting.”

“We never see each other….sometimes I am surprised that I married such a good looking (man) because I hardly can see him. I sort of got surprised when we see each other in the corridor. In other words, we don’t grit down each others’ neck.”

ENEMIES:

Tuwing makikita ko ang mukha mo, parang gusto kong sumigaw ng Objection!

“Sir, I remind you that as the Commissioner of Immigration and Deportation, I represent the majesty of the Republic of the Philippines. You have the obligation to show respect and courtesy to me. Now shut up, or I’ll knock your teeth off!”

(To an alien criminal suspect who raised his voice to interrupt her during a televised press conference.)

“I will not spend my adult life answering obviously false charges. But I will exert every effort to resist the charge that I lack sex appeal.”

(Of the charges filed against her by several CID employees whom she disciplined for graft and corruption.)

“What is the record of actual courtroom experience of my enemies, not every dimwit can claim ‘trial practice,’ which calls for the special rules on trial technique and procedure. And what is the basis for all the pious nonsense about judicial behavior, from people who have never seen a courtroom, or read jurisprudence?”

“I am aghast and postal that a party in litigation and the sub-mental cretins who are my enemies have the gall to demand the power to control the personality of the judge. To educate the non-educable, it is the judge who controls the proceedings.”

“We know, we can see, that he knows more about boxing than possibly anybody alive particularly in the welterweight department, which is considered to be ?the? boxing title. But still, we cannot be know-it-alls. It will be very misleading to use his celebrity status to enter into, what is after all, a great debate on the political economy.”

SEX:

“Sino sa inyo ang interesado sa sex? Kung hindi ka interesado, magpagamot ka. Abnormal ‘yan.”

I am not afraid to die but I’m afraid that there might be no SEX after death.

LIFE & RELIGION:

When the cashier at the grocery said, “Miss, pwedeng candy na lang ang sukli ko sa iyo?” I answered “Bakit, tsokolate ba ang ibinayad ko?”

“Hindi ko sinasabing maganda ako, ang sinasabi ko lang pangit ka”

When someone told me “ang ganda mo”
I answered “sana ikaw rin”

In a swimming pool:
Classmate 1 – I’m sure lulutang ka
Classmate 2 – Bakit dahil payat ako?
Classmate 1 – Hindi, dahil plastic ka

May I just make a point of grammar please? The Bible does not say, ‘Go out to the world.’ It sounds very much like God is encouraging us to go out and copulate in public.”

God said in the Bible, ‘Go forth and multiply.’ That meant that God wanted man, not necessarily to literally multiply, but to go out to work with the rest of the human beings of this planet and to apply the stewardship theory. Meaning to say, taking care of each other, who are all in the planet living together.”

They are quoting Jesus ? but none of them were living when he was around plus they’re quoting God but the Bible says no one has ever seen God. In fact, if we claimed to have seen God, as I said, you are in urgent need of psychiatric care.

IMPEACHMENT:

“Please don’t treat me as a mere observer. I am a judge in this proceeding! In any trial court, … you should not speak, you should not take any behavior at all unless with the consent of the presiding judge. Don’t drown me out by screaming in this courtroom! Only I can scream here and my fellow judges!” (Scolding private prosecutor Arthur Lim)

“You know, if you shut down all the TV cameras, the proceedings will be finished in one week, but people want more than 15 [minutes] of fame.”

“How many witnesses do you intend to present? You don’t even have any idea? You come to court prepared! You do not waste the time of this court!”

“In this kind of proceeding which is televised throughout the archipelago, the more evidence we admit, the more the people will believe that our decisions have been fair. Because they will [say]: ‘What are you hiding? Why are you saying a lot about these technicalities? We are not interested in these technicalities by the Supreme Court. We have no idea about them, or whether they are correct, or whether you have a good command of English.”

“I felt like creeping back into bed and adopting a fetal position, which is the normal reaction of any sane person when he’s faced with a world that is crumbling around him. I no longer know what universe I’m in … because I’ve never seen this done to a judge before”.

Keep ’em coming Madam Senator. You’re a prime example why it’s more fun in the Philippines.

For more Miriam-isms, visit her official site.

Update: Valentine’s Day 2013

• Alam niyo ba ang iba pang tawag sa Valentine’s day? Para sa malungkot na single,ang tawag dito ay Single’s Awareness Day. Para sa mga masaya na single, ang tawag dito ay Single’s Independence Day. Pero sa mga walang pakialam, ang tawag dito ay Thursday.
• Did you know that an earthworm has five hearts, whereas an octopus has two hearts? Kaya kung may kilala ka na nagmamahal ng higit sa dalawa, tanungin mo kung anong klaseng hayop sila.
• Kapag ikaw ay nagmamahal pero sasaktan mo rin lang naman, hamunin mo na lang ng suntukan.
• Ang taong nagmamahal nang tunay ay parang matalinong estudyante na kumukuha ng exam. Hindi siya tumitingin sa iba kahit nahihirapan na.
• Para sa mga single, umuwi nang maaga mula sa school o sa trabaho para isipin nila may date ka.

Till the next blog post. Peace and Stay Fresh! 🙂